"When you're with a guy, don't be a doctor...be a girl."

--

We brought a patient to PGH. I saw him two days ago in the ER, with a seemingly benign chest pain, post prandial, and admitted him.  Little did I know he would develop an infarction.

Lesson - treat all chest pain like a heart attack.

I was walking through the halls, guiding the stretcher, when I saw a familiar face. It was Dave! Instantly, my face lit up, temporarily forgetting that I was keeping down my stomach contents after that vertigo-inducing ambulance ride.  We said a quick hello, a very tight hug, and we parted ways as I rushed to fetch the patient to his room.

As maneuvered around the building, I told the nurses how it seems only yesterday, I spent a very memorable week there as pre-resident.

When I went back, he was there again. We were deciding whether I would stay in manila, or I would take him along to Dasma. Haha. The ambulance was already about to leave, but our arms were locked and we were pulling opposite directions. It must've looked funny. We took a snapshot, and he let me go.

I miss the times when we were interns. Life was easier then.

On my last ER duty, was ingestion day. A pretty young woman after drinking two bottles of Red Horse Grande, ingested half a glass of Baygon, and another took 'hundreds of pills' which uh..later translated to just 10 pieces of amlodipine, 3 pieces of cotrimoxazole, and 6 pieces of vitamin c. Their means were obviously ineffective, and only served to give them such discomfort from being decontaminated with charcoal and soduim sulfate solutions placed through a tube down their noses.

Just because they fought with their husbands.

(They live and breathe to face another day. If they only knew how hard they made it for me...)

I admitted another charity patient earlier, out of the dictates of my conscience. My seniors obviously disapproved, but I took pity on that weak looking 50s woman, looking uremic or septic, maybe both. She needed dialysis, but they didn't have the money yet.

I could send the patient home on that grounds, knowing I have one less thing to worry about.

But, knowing she'll die unattended at home,  I didn't let her. I couldn't. I felt like I still had to do something.

--

I was so tired today, I wanted to explode with frustration..

In a few minutes, I'm out of my full-time job office  for good.

I'm not sure if this is actually the best for me, but for one, my horoscope just told me the things I needed to hear today.

A temporary setback with regard to your career might have you feeling a bit disoriented right now, Aries. Modern equipment of some kind might be involved. Don't make yourself crazy; this is only temporary and will be straightened out. Your own determination, efficiency, and practical abilities should have it taken care of in no time. Basically, you're probably feeling quite optimistic for the future and not likely to change that energy any time soon. 

 

Wasn't that encouraging? Oh well, GAMBARIMASU! 

I went to The Feast this Sunday, and it was very powerful...I have been on a spiritual desert for some time now, and it has led me to thinking that He has abandoned me throughout several ordeals I have been through for the past weeks...But no, I was the one who abandoned praying first.

I felt great to be reunited with my CG-mates, Melo, Melvs and Ram. Mann Hann and Swensen's. It has been months but it felt like we've only seen each other yesterday.

And I am overflowing with financial blessings, from my parents, then another cash prize from the research that I won a month ago, then being given a treat by the neurologist, whom I went to clinics with yesterday. Eunice, Marshell, Sir B and I spent the last at Ninja Gohan and Starbs.

Today, I go on my third solo duty...It still scares me to death, but I just want this day to get over with...Last duty was pretty benign..I had 4 hours of sleep...I hope today, is just as kind.

So friends Rose Ann and Fei dragged my ass out of the house Saturday for a supposed-to-be La Mesa Eco Park adventure but then we ended up somewhere else---first. 

A tricycle away from Philcoa is a humble abode of old, pre-owned, and perhaps even hard-to-find books called Bookay-Ukay. Not sure if this is the same store I'm following in Facebook for updates on interesting but cheap books. Not that I have ever purchased from the store, but they do shelter some intriguing, not-in-your-usual-bookshelf tittles. Classics and Pinoy literature were available as well. I haven't made a lot of research about the place but I'm pretty sure the store also promotes youthful, raw pinoy art both in print and visual.

I was not able to take a picture of the entire place but here are a few pieces of that cozy little store. 

Recently I've taken an interest in film cameras. With the untimely demise of Kodak, I feel more compelled to support this old tradition of photography. So fancy it is to find a Bell+Howel BF-35mm plastic camera sold for a mere 200 pesos in the Bookay-Ukay shop. I guess the cool guys are also supporting my ideas on old means of photography? Since I wasn't very familiar with the unit (and the brand) I left it to my friend to purchase one. Since she's going to Singapore next month (for good), I did my part in encouraging her to have fun with the camera and give a few suggestions on which films to use. 

Right now I'm using Mao's Golden Half, a half-frame 35mm camera as of now so I'm pretty excited to see how my picture fared.

It's this thrill of wanting to know how your pictures turned out which we have lost in the digital age. After using manual cameras for a while (not that I'm any good so far, err) I realized I've lost half of my life's patience as digicams have given me the convenience of seeing results (or deleting them on a whim) in a flash (like, literally).

But I still want my own Split-Cam! It's called a schizo camera for reasons not that figurative.  Google it.

Anyhow (why was I lecturing about cameras again?), I'm definitely coming again to this shop. Probably purchase a few books or take some friends there, too. ^_^ 

At long last! My dream to own Kagrra's beautiful hanami-themed photobook titled SACRA has been achieved.

All thanks to my best friend's hard work of actually searching of a pre-owned photobook since we're pretty sure online stores would not be selling this anymore. For one, it's actually an old photobook; second, the band has disbanded thus the production of other band goods may have halted a long time ago.

So thank you, THANK YOU to Ate Stephanie (Stemanie lol, ilu) for her willingness to pass happiness to another Kagrra, fan. To Jho who opened the means for us to get the photobook. And of course to Mao whom I declare a co-owner of any Kagrra, stuff I own. We workin' eeet~

And as bonus! AKIYA, you sexy beast you, this open-for-business type of a shot will be getting a hard copy before I go home tomorrow.

* q *

I can't help it, while writing this review I opt to have Ootsuka Ai's Renai Shashin on loop. It just perfectly envelops the whole emotions of the movie into the lyrics and the way she sang it.

What I thought to be a simple, harmless light movie just had to make my chest feel so heavy after viewing. 

Watching I Give My First Love To Youwhich has a similar incident of one of the central characters dying, I was surprised that "Just Loving You" has the same element. The former approached the concept of death as a positive push for us to live life and to face it head-on. 

What I favor more of the latter film is it's take on death was underlying. In turn, the shock of the turn of events created more knots in our hearts. We anticipated the death of Takami in "I Give To You My First Love" and celebrated life while he could. In "Just Loving You", we witnessed the budding love of a man and a woman, the escalation of their feelings and eventual separation at the height of everything. Along with Makato's heart being shattered after a blissful kiss and the realization of this feeling, we--the audience--is easily carried with it.

The ending was beautiful despite the sadness. We ask the what-ifs, we miss people, we wonder what could have been the shape of that love if it was ever honed together by those two people who carried and shared it to each other. I salute the instrumental music that played in the background as Makoto walks the gallery of Shizuru's memories. It brought out all the suppressed emotions that built up during her sudden disappearance from Makoto's house and allows us to cry with him in the gallery, remembering, missing Shizuru.

I can't help but think about Shizuru's words: Some people die because of this when they fall in love. Though she was obviously pertaining to a biological decease, is love in it's purest state formed while it is not realized as love? Is love more honest when it doesn't grow? The film reminds us of the transience of life; life is short so live it to the fullest. Like Shizuru whom lived freely, found her passion in photography and independently established a career, while willingly loving a man despite the danger to her health. Cliche as it sounds, Shizuru died for love.